Melancholy

I feel hurt, hence I am sad. Yet I feel glad that this sadness is somehow justified by Lori Deschene. I feel like I’m a real human. With feelings evolving within me.

I was, and by the time am writing this post, I am choosing to still feel hurt. By a human being. It’s been a long time I didn’t immerse myself into this silly feeling. I always think that I shouldn’t have any reason to be sad, because I can just always choose to be happy. I always declare that happiness is a conscious choice, that happiness is homemade. But not for the current situation. I feel hurt. My melancholic side is taking part the emotion headquarter.

What’s hurt more than the feeling that I’m keeping right now is the fact that thing(s?) making me sad is something I can’t elaborate in detail to anybody, even to the closest person in my life 😢 Not even to the person that’s making me sad. I did tell to this person that I was hurt, sorry was uttered, but still, I feel too worry to explain more because eventually, I know and will realize that this is not that big a deal, yet it can lead me to lose my appetite 😐

To my friends or to anyone who’s reading this, the core of why I’m feeling hurt is actually because I expected too much, from a person. Expectation is always hurt. Expectation can only make us crestfallen. And this kind of expectation doesn’t only happen for once! That’s why I feel hurt. I feel hurt not because the person has broken my expectation (and my heart), but because why on earth I still expect for something that’s not worth expecting.

I was trying hard to not expose my sadness on social media, but now I don’t want to. Now I want to let myself to be okay to tell the world that I can also be hurt and sad, for a silly thing. Sharing it might not make me feel better, but I believe at least we, especially I, have to open our eyes, to open MY eyes, have to realize, have to remember, that EXPECTATION can sometimes be our possion. To have hopes toward something is okay, but don’t expect things too much, especially from a person who let us down many times.

Stop opening up ourselves to be hurt. Never give anyone space to take control our emotion, even an inch. And this will be the last time YOU hurt me. Never again!

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